Toilets, Tombs and Trigger Fingers
Augusta Confidential, Chapter 7 by the undercover lawmaker and our Federal Correspondent's addendum re: Collins the playa.
The Anti-Abortion Roadshow Rolls Into Augusta (Again)
by Reese Calloway
There’s something in the air under the dome. And no, it’s not the stench of Billy Bob and burnt coffee mixed with legislative desperation. It’s a shift. A tension. An edgy feeling that the far-right circus is gearing up for its next act, even though the usual clowns were oddly quiet this time around.
Normally when controversial bills drop, especially on guns, abortion or any topic connected to public health or education, you can’t swing a cat in the State House without hitting a protest sign, a TV camera or some rando weirdo live-streaming their anti-vax monologue.
But last week? Crickets. Was this the calm before the chamber floor storm? Or has the GOP base been too distracted by national theater to show up for the local Kabuki? Either way, it’s notable. And ominous.
For those of you not stuck under the dome on Friday, March 28, 2025, consider yourself blessed. The Judiciary Committee’s Public Hearing day wasn’t just a public forum, but more of a homage to Puritanical pageantry, headlined by the same extremists who wake up every day with one goal: to yank Mainers backwards in time, to when women were chattel and their husband’s (or dad’s) “property.” A time when “healthcare” just meant praying harder. Or bloodletting with leeches.
The Offenders? A Rogues’ Gallery of Repressors. Let’s start with Rep. Reagan Paul. You know the heavily-contoured ventriloquial figure from Winterport. Every time this dummy opens her mouth, I expect a bald eagle to fly out, singing the national anthem off-key.
Paul’s latest legislative turd? “An Act to Make Manufacturers Responsible for Proper Disposal of Abortion Drugs and Require a Health Care Provider to Be Physically Present During a Chemical Abortion.” Or, as Paul called it, the Orwellian-named “Clean Water for All Life Act.”
Sounds wholesome, right?
Syke! It’s not about clean water. It’s about treating wastewater like a pregnancy test and turning sewage systems into surveillance tools to target women.
In a grotesque throwback to Trumpian “they’re eating the dogs” fear-mongering, we’re now apparently in danger of drinking aborted fetuses. (Fact check: Nope.) That’s the level of discourse Rep. Paul brings to the chamber. And if that sounds like conspiracy-fueled bile, it is. Her bill requires reporting “evidence of abortion” found in wastewater, opening the door to criminalizing miscarriages, medicated abortions and anyone who menstruates near a storm drain.
A bit of advice for my colleague from Winterport: If you can’t pronounce “mifepristone,” maybe don’t build your legal argument around it.
[[Editor’s Note: While some might bristle at the use of “ventriloquial figure” to describe Rep. Reagan Paul, it’s clear that Paul is literally a puppet for some of the most extreme Christo-Fash puppet-masters in the U.S. The so-called “Clean Water for All Life Act,” for instance, is actually the boilerplate work of “Students for Life of America Inc,” a non-profit, according to IRS records, pulling in about $20 million dollars annually and is co-chaired by part-time Mainer Leonard Leo, the conservative Catholic ringleader of the right-wing takeover of the American judicial system. No surprise, then, that Students for Life of America Inc, and its sister org, Students for Life Action Inc., isn’t run by students, but by professional abortion-obsessed activists. The non-profit’s President Kristan Hawkins, for instance, is a 39-year-old West Virginian woman who earns $300,000 annually to spew anti-choice rhetoric in order to further her on-going mission to make abortion 100 percent illegal in the U.S.]]
And then there’s Rep. Liz Caruso (the wanna-be kinder, gentler, less Stepfordian Laurel Libby) who delivered her scripted abortion-related questions with all the subtlety of a high school drama queen reading from cue cards in the wrong scene. Girl, at least pretend the thoughts are your own and not the latest talking points from women-hating anti-choicers.
Let’s not forget Rep. Abigail Griffin of Levant, who managed to submit written testimony to kill her own bill. Yes, you read that right. She introduced a bill to grant embryos more rights than the women carrying them, then wrote in to say, “Actually, never mind.”
This is the legislative equivalent of setting your house on fire, throwing gasoline on the flames, then asking the neighbors to please call the fire department. If they have the time.
Predictably, after my colleagues got done with their grandstanding, the floor was turned over to the public, including a smattering of out-of-staters and Southern Baptists. Because, according to the GOP, Maine women really need moral guidance from a Louisiana pastor with a Bible in one hand and a uterus he doesn’t own in the other.
Not to be outdone by the latest “Contest of Oppressive Ideas,” Sen. David Haggan brought us LD 682. A little fascist nugget that would criminalize providers for performing abortions that don’t meet his personal, highly unscientific standards. Why? Because nothing says small government like state-sponsored medical gatekeeping from a middle school teacher who looks like this.
But Not Everyone Lost Their Minds
Thankfully, Mainers with credentials and common sense testified to counter the disinformation campaign. Doctors, nurses and actual constituents showed up to call this lunacy what it is: a cynical attempt to control women’s bodies under the guise of public health. The public is done with this rubbish. We see through the lies. This isn’t about life. It’s about power. And we’re not going back. Mainers won’t stand idly by as these lawmakers – under command of a regressive troupe of dark money assholes – attempt to dismantle Mainers’ rights. We will fight, we will vote and we will ensure that Maine remains a place where reproductive freedom is celebrated, not just protected.
Gun Hearings: Fewer Camo Hats, More Common Sense
Let’s back up to March 26, “Gun Bill” day. Usually, this kind of docket would summon every Second Amendment wing-nut and Gravy Seal cosplaying militia enthusiast from Kittery to Calais to Caribou. But this time? Crickets. No coordinated T-shirt army. No Freedom Phone livestreams. Just… room to breathe. And in that vacuum, something revolutionary happened: facts were spoken.
Sen. Anne Carney, for example, introduced LD 677. A very unsexy but deeply necessary bill to modernize the definition of machine guns and ban bump stocks. You know, the kind of devices that transform a weekend warrior’s AR into accessible death machines. Carney’s bill drew a direct line – emotionally – to the Lewiston Massacre tragedy. That should have been enough for anyone with a conscience. But not our friends on the right.
In conjunction, Rep. Matt Beck brought LD 1109, targeting high-capacity magazines. Once again, like broken records, opponents whined that killers could just carry more 10-round clips. As if that’s an argument and not just an admission that they believe the human cost of gun violence isn’t worth minor inconvenience.
And, unintentionally or not, Rep. Sam Zager is on his way to becoming a legend by introducing LD 1126, to tackle the rise of ghost guns. For those who don’t dwell in the bizarre world of 3-d printing, those DIY killing kits come with all the accountability of a burner phone and the deadly charm of a pipe bomb. Apparently, asking at-home gunmakers to put a serial number on their murder toy is government overreach now.
Meanwhile, in Looneyland…Sen. David Haggan (again) offered LD 829, a gem of a bill to let people carry concealed firearms in state parks. Because nothing says relaxation and family picnic like wondering if the MAGA-hatted tough talker is just happy to be playing Frisbee at Reid State Park or he has a Glock tucked into his cargo shorts. All about “my freedom,” they say. Sure. The freedom to terrify, or be terrified, on your morning hike, bike or swim
Per usual, the difference between the two sides couldn’t have been clearer. Democrats came with lived experience, data and actual solutions. Republicans came with fear, fantasy and the same tired NRA hackneyed excuses that haven’t changed since Columbine.
And still, the committee room stayed…dare I say, calm. Almost like the public’s patience for performative gun worship is finally running out.
These hearings exposed both the ideological divide in Augusta and the GOP’s increasingly hollow strategy: scream about freedom, legislate oppression and hope no one notices. But we see the contradictions. And we won’t forget. So as long as the anti-choice zealots and gun extremists keep writing their legislative proposals with crayons and Bibles, we’ll keep showing up with facts and numbers to counter their mendacious bullshit.
Federal Correspondent
Senate Republicans help Collins play political games
by Amy Fried
As I explained in my column earlier this week, Susan Collins plays a manipulative political game. The key rule in Collins’ game is to occasionally challenge Trump and Elon Musk, then aggressively exploit the defiance for bragging rights while doing nothing IRL to rein them in. In fact, beneath it all, she is often a co-conspirator in supporting the slash and burn budgets and nominees harming Mainers of all ages.
Now we have more evidence that Collins’ Republican colleagues are working with her and Trump to try to preserve the once moderate reputation that helped her win, even as Maine hasn’t voted for a Republican presidential candidate statewide since 1988.
And the word on this comes from deep MAGA Senator Markwayne Mullin from Oklahoma. Mullin told a reporter for The New Yorker that the Republicans’ Senate Leader is giving Collins a pass to take an occasional vote that goes against what Trump wants.
No doubt when Collins runs in 2026, she’ll tout her having voted against the horrible Pete Hegseth for Secretary of the Defense. She’ll claim the vote was proof she’s bipartisan and centrist. Just like she was when she promised to uphold abortion rights, but then voted for Brett Kavanaugh, who helped overturn Roe.
But her gameplay won’t erase her votes for dangerous nominees like RFK Jr., Tulsi Gabbard, Kash Patel and more. Nor should anyone forget Collins is almost always tethered to Trump, only getting leeway when her party leadership gives the leash a little slack.
Read Amy Fried’s Constitutional Crisis Cabal Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3. Read Thirteen Things You Can Do to Fight the Trump-Musk Coup here.
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