TCR#1: Linnehan brings home Fetal Doll Collection, Constitution Hall
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Before we get to the news concerning the re-location of the Christo-fascist “movie theater” in Ellsworth, Maine, thanks for checking out the inaugural Substack of The Crash Report. Longtime readers may remember the print version of The Crash Report that appeared in a few now-defunct Portland newspapers a decade ago.
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Linnehan brings home Fetal Doll Collection, Constitution Hall
Christian-Nationalist impresario John Linnehan wants Maine to be ruled by biblical law. The former used car dealership magnate is working with other extremists and PACs trying to elect 100 “Constitutional Christians” to the Maine Legislature in 2024. Also, Linnehan spent over $130k to keep his chud movie theater in Ellsworth open. And he failed.
So the perennial GOP legislative candidate and anti-LGBTQ nativist “Johnny” Linnehan is bringing the fascism home. Literally. After two years of paying rent and expenses for the former Maine Coast Cinema in the Maine Coast Mall, Constitution Hall is relocating to his 12,000 square foot McMansion on the shore of Leonard Lake, also in Ellsworth.
Despite hordes of attendees over the last couple years for speeches and films by various J-6 insurrectionists, election deniers, vaccine skeptics and religious con artists, Linnehan couldn’t figure out a way to monetize the disinfo and demonic conspiracies enough to cover the bills, especially since the heat and electric cost him almost a grand per month, plus two grand monthly in rent paid to the mall landlord. And that’s not even counting the cash Linnehan claims to have spent renovating the theaters and installing the new digital projector. Or the $60k he claimed to spend on marketing the venue.
For the last year, Linnehan had been trying to sell Constitution Hall for a whopping $195,000. The deal was just for the “brand,” the a/v equipment, a used laptop and some office furniture, plus a pair of 28x38 foot American flags. The big money sale didn’t include any real estate, other than assuming Linnehan’s lease on the antiquated two-screen mall theatre. Even his promise of owner-financing failed to attract any interested chuds. Linnehan released two short “for sale” videos and both are worth watching for the lulz. Plus you see and hear how his oratory stylings seem like a parody of a grifter’s pitch.
Wealthy Christian businessman profits from poor and down-on-luck customers
If his offer sounds like some sort of con, it’s probably because Linnehan has lots of experience running questionable enterprises. The non-profit he claims that has been behind Constitution Hall, called “Peace 24-7,” hasn’t filed any IRS 990 forms since 2020. (Constitution Hall open in 2022.) And, according to the last IRS filings, Linnehan claimed his Peace 24-7 organization was a church (with $75k in tax-free revenue) with the goal to “take as many people to heaven with us as we can. God allows us to do that by utilizing social media, video content and online bible studies.” Sounds more like a threat from a serial killer than a church description.
State financial regulators have pursued Linnehan at least twice for unfair business practices targeting low-income customers in an un-Christly manner. The first time, back in 2002, involved his used car dealership “Linnehan’s Credit Now” (with 8 Maine locations that were sold to Lee Auto Malls in 2009) regarding financing and repossessing cars in a scheme that violated Maine law. In response, Linnehan agreed to forgive almost $3 million in used car loans. Despite that scam, in 2013 he was still inducted into the “Used Car Dealers Hall of Fame” run by the “National Alliance of Buy Here, Pay Here Dealers” which, amazingly, is a real organization.
In 2019, his now-abandoned rent-to-own “Linnehan Homes” was in hot water with the Attorney General’s office for alleged unfair owner financing practices. You can read all the details about him buying and “reselling” run down properties and the settlement with the AG here.
Rest assured, the dude isn’t popular with the many locals who know about his various flim-flams and rackets. That’s why Linnehan usually gets trounced whenever he runs for office.
In a December letter to supporters explaining Constitution Hall’s move into to his home, Linnehan bragged of all the events proudly staged at the theater in the last two years, including a lecture series by the John Birch Society and speeches by a couple dozen other freaks, including Larry Lockman of the Maine First Project, creeper Shawn McBreairty, faux-doc Christiane Northrup and the serial liar Maine GOP leader Rep. Billy Bob Faulkingham, all of whom have been discussed during various Disinfomaniacs pod episodes.
Bottom line: no one fell for his spiel before the mall lease expired, so Linnehan was forced to bring the party home. And here’s how he spun the decision to his followers.
“Thus, we are changing our group name to Constitution Hall Patriots. We are not a business! We are not a political party. We are a group of friends and neighbors, concerned local citizens who want to do our part individually and collectively to make our towns, our state, and our America Great Again as our Founding Fathers originally intended. The NEW venue for our events will now be located at my home, my personal residence… Like our Founding Fathers who met in private homes, churches, taverns, and inns, we want this to be a totally grassroots, word-of-mouth, neighbor-to-neighbor, home to home, movement. My wife has a wonderful, indoor horseback riding arena with space for both small and large group meetings. It already has the same professional Audio/Video capacity that we enjoyed at our former leased location, but now it’s all available in a comfortable, private home setting.”
In his missive to pals (and on his website) Linnehan made it clear that Constitution Hall is no longer a business, probably because he is now operating his “venue” in a residential zone. So I called City Hall to see if zoning permitted the speeches, movies, rallies and other activities he had held at the mall location.
Not a problem, at least according to Ellsworth Code Enforcement Officer Lori Roberts. “Bible study, of course, is totally allowable in the residential zone,” she said with a laugh during a phone interview.
Bible study?
That’s right. Despite the mall location having a business license and staging dozens of political events, according to Roberts, the new home-based Constitution Hall is all about bible study and is not a business. At least that’s what Roberts said Linnehan told her. And she believes him.
What about parking? According to the real estate listing for Linnehan’s property (more on that later), his McManse only has space for up to ten vehicles. During popular events, would his guests be able to park in the roadway?
He’s dealing with the overflow parking issue, Roberts assured me. Linnehan told her the patriots would park two and a half miles away in the Maine Coast Mall parking lot, then would be ferried to his private residence for the bible study.
I also wanted to know if Linnehan could continue his gun raffles in Ellsworth’s residential zone? Last summer, for instance, he raffled a Ruger 9mm with a red dot laser and a couple of 10 round clips and pocketed about three grand.
Again, according to Roberts, gun raffles are totally allowed in his neighborhood.
A quick primer for those unfamiliar with the Maine tradition of raising cash by selling raffle tickets with the prize being a firearm. Basically, gun raffles are like buying a chance to win a gift certificate redeemable for a firearm at a particular licensed gun dealer and an easy way for a grifter to raise some cash without a paper trail. It’s legal and done all the time. Especially by Maine Republican gun fetishists like Rep. Laurel Libby and Sen. Eric Brakey, along with the so-called Christian “Dinner Table PAC” and various county GOP committees.
In Linnehan’s case, he sold $3,600 worth of $20 tickets last July and raffled off a Ruger 9mm with a red dot laser (and a couple of 10 round clips) a package that retailed for $475. No word on where the rest of the cash went.
The raffles aren’t always about the money. Sometimes chuds hold free-gun lotteries just to boost their mailing lists. Last year, Laurel Libby gave away a Sig Sauer (prone to “accidental discharge” according to multiple lawsuits by cops including a Maine sheriff’s deputy) to get contact info from Mainers who wanted to “defend the second amendment.”
To boost his mailing list, Linnehan raffled a Taurus G2C handgun to folks who signed up for his so-called “Freedom Text Club.”
It seems weird in these times of the Lewiston Massacre (which happened within miles of Libby and Brakey’s homes and districts) that self-identifying Christian lawmakers and PACs would promote giving away guns. For their base, though, it’s a strong flex. Besides, it’s our god-given right as Mainers to raffle off any damn legal thing we chose and the government can’t stop us.
Right?
Nope. Not in Ellsworth, Roberts said, where a local ordinance prohibits raffling “sexually obscene” items.
Wut?
The code enforcement officer claimed it was city code and told me to look it up. And who was the arbiter of what was considered obscene in the city of Ellsworth, Maine?
Code Enforcement Officer Roberts, of course. If she got wind of a raffle of something “sexually obscene,” she’d alert the city attorney, who would take appropriate legal action to prevent the dirty raffle.
I suggested to Roberts that our conversation had religious overtones. “Do you happen to attend Linnehan’s church?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “I attend church but not his.”
After the call, I scoured the Ellsworth City Code for any ordinance regulating raffling of “sexually obscene” objects. And I couldn’t find a single reference.
So I called back, asking for a clarification. Roberts mumbled something about the “Paid Sexual Contact Ordinance.” (That law pertains to “any touching of the genitals or anus, directly or through clothing, for the purpose of arousing or gratifying sexual desire.”) After I explained I’d read that statute and didn’t find any reference to a “sexually obscene” raffle ban, she hemmed and hawed, then backed off a little bit. Eager to end our conversation, she tried to assert the raffle issue fell under her role as enforcer of city laws not covered by police or other state enforcement agencies. Once again, she was wrong. Her only enforcement power of anything “obscene” is in connection the city’s “special amusement permit” which applies to establishments with liquor licenses and nothing to do with raffles.
So despite Roberts’ opinion, Linnehan can raffle any legal item he wants, including guns, porn and weed, from his home-based church.
Bible Study or Swingers Club?
Thanks to the 87 photos Linnehan posted on realtor.com when he tried (and failed) to sell his house for a couple million bucks last year, we can check out the new hangout for Maine’s Christo-fash.
First of all, the assessed value of Linnehan’s estate is about $900,000, with a $11,624 annual property tax bill, although thanks to his homestead exemption, Linnehan pays about $9,000 annually in taxes.
Secondly, the new digs have a totally different feel, compared to the OG locale.
The rumpus room might work for small gatherings of up to a dozen patriots, like for last year’s screenings of films like “Clarence Thomas: In His Own Words” and “Passion Of Christ” or the sparsely attended Trans-Panic presentation by local creeper Shawn McBreairty. Linnehan should worry though. Instead of watching agitprop or Trad-Cat hagiographies, the crowd might get distracted by the rumpus room amenities.
Some chuds would rather shoot pool, mess with the old time jukebox, while enjoying soda-pop and buttery, fresh-popped maize than listen to Shawn McB beg for cash so he can continue to stalk schoolteachers and not have to get a real job.
Speaking of popcorn, the snacks at Linnehan’s house are sure to be better than Constitution Hall, where the concessions stand had been taken over by a presentation of human fetus models at various stages of development, accompanied by anti-choice tracts and “Abortion Makes You the Mother of A Dead Baby” bumper stickers.
A quick aside: Linnehan’s “How You Begin” fetus display retails for $289. According to the product description, “the three largest models [of the five model set] are to scale and are anatomically accurate, totally lifelike, sturdy and washable. Each set is packed in an attractive display carton. This lightweight, easy to carry set is perfect for speaking engagements and displays.” Linnehan was obviously being budget conscious when outfitting the concessions counter with “totally lifelike” fetal models. Otherwise, he would’ve sprung for the more convincing, eight fetus model set for just under two grand.
While Linnehan’s home kitchen isn’t the best design for large scale food prep and distribution, it’s definitely a step up from the previous fetal display and concession stand.
The parking deficit (and lack of large scale seating) could be the limiting factor to Linnehan’s home-based success. I mean, what’s gonna happen when the witch-hunting J-6er Pastor Greg Locke returns to Ellsworth to baptize dozens of chuds under a Trump banner like he did in the fall of 2022?
An audience that size would overwhelm Linnehan’s hospitality, parking and rumpus room.
While not as comfortable as the former constitutional digs, Linnehan’s wife’s aforementioned riding arena is certainly spacious enough to handle the size of crowds eager to convert to Locke’s end times, Trumpskin-worshipping church for weirdos.
One solution would be to place the baptismal font (aka horse trough) on the left wall of the riding arena, so there’s plenty of room for the newly saved, their kin and various Maine grifters hungry for new marks. Another plus is how the sandy dirt floor would absorb any overflowing holy water. And the baptismal trough could double as a hydration station for Linnehan’s mini-donkeys and horses.
Nighttime events are gonna be lit, thanks to Linnehan’s extensive outdoor security lighting.
And Linnehan, known for his generosity to his fellow white, Christian, straight-acting males, will probably allow co-patriots to use the hot tub, swimming pool and the tanning bed already pre-set to orange.
Another potential pitfall for the Christo-fash crowd might be the bathroom dilemma. According to the real estate listing, Linnehan’s pad only has 3.5 bathrooms and none of them are gendered.
Speaking of bathrooms, the master bath’s glass shower with multi-nozzles seems a little too sexy for a 75-year-old patriotic, God-fearing used car salesman like Linnehan. With its secluded privacy and various adult attractions (billiards table, swimming pool, hot tub and professional quality a/v gear) the whole McMansion definitely has a country-orgy vibe. The sort of place where anything can happened and usually does. The dude better be careful. Considering the hypocrisy, sexual and otherwise, of GOP influencers, Linnehan might be creating a swinging-chud-sex-scene that could become too hot to handle.
It would not surprise me in the least that after “bible study” in the rumpus room, a throuple of aroused patriots (like Florida’s “Moms for Liberty”) might sneak off and rendezvous upstairs to debauch in the ample glass shower stall, then pivot to the adjacent boudoir to enjoy each other’s temples on Linnehan’s king-sized mattress under the watchful eyes of the creepy doll collection placed on shelves throughout his sleeping chamber.
(Not to kink-shame, but for such a macho man, Linnehan’s doll fetish seems peculiar.)
Also, chuds be warned: stay out of his walk-in closet. Linnehan seems like the type who’d be pissed if his freedom fighting outfits suddenly reeked of the scent of sin.
Wow those photos are... whacked out. Not the Ellsworth I remember.