Performative Outrage & Pandemic Nostalgia
The Campaign Trail That Starts in Committee and other Legislative notes from our undercover lawmaker.
by Reese Calloway
A special kind of absurdity settles over the Maine State House during April’s allergy season. The air is thick, but we’re not sneezing because of the pollen. Here, under the dome, the allergens take the form of facts, accountability and anything resembling responsible governance.
Here’s how a “normal” day unfolds: We begin with caucus — before the 10 a.m. start that never actually starts at 10 a.m., thanks to the miracle of “legislative time.” (Translation: add 15 minutes to three hours, shake and pray.) Then it’s off to the House and Senate floors, where actual policy-making takes a back seat to dramatic meltdown theater. Roll calls drag on longer than colonoscopy prep. Motions fly like drunk pigeons. And debates? Less governing, more audition reels for Newsmax.
Just when you think it's safe to inhale — boom — another thunderous soliloquy of dander from the GOP’s bench of Facebook-famous freedom fighters. Every speech grows more hysterical, less tethered to reality and more likely to make you sneeze as these Republicans grow increasingly convinced they alone stand between Maine and the Great Woke Collapse of 2025.
Around 1 p.m., it’s the mad dash to snag a sandwich from a special interest’s “lunch and learn,” which means grab the flyer, the free food and flee. Meanwhile, Republicans wander in late, armed with half-read talking points, printed straight from the Maine Policy Institute’s lying conspiracy X feed and the fantasy journals of Leonard Leo.
Then comes the legislative meat grinder — a parade of bills that read like they were written during fever dreams by preppers moderating a 4chan board. Bans on nonexistent threats, for example, and resolutions to defend rights that no one is threatening. Amendments that are more about chaos than clarity.
Case in point: LD 174 and LD 727.
These two flaming piles of revisionist history are sponsored by Rep. Gary Drinkwater (R-Milford) and Rep. Tracy Quint (R-Hodgdon) and come straight out of the smallpox, polio and measles yearbook.
The bills, and their sponsors, aim to dismantle school immunization requirements and revive “religious exemptions.” Apparently, public health is optional now, as long as you can pray the magic word: Freedom.
And just when your jaw can’t drop any lower—enter Rep. Mike Soboleski. Maine’s own butch version of Marjorie Taylor Greene in a Bass Pro hat is pushing LD 1432, a gross gem that would strip gender identity protections from the Maine Human Rights Act. It’s not just bigoted — it’s bloodsport. And Soboleski (the Republican from Phillips who got his ass kicked in last year’s CD2 GOP primary by Austin Theriault) isn’t even subtle. He’s using this trash-bill to crowdsource “citizen co-sponsors,” which is a sneaky way to build a mailing list for his next congressional bid.
That’s the real game here. Maine law says no campaign fundraising during session. But Soboleski is running the political equivalent of a shadow campaign from the rotunda, with a clipboard and a culture war. If this isn’t a soft launch for a higher office, I’ll eat my inbox.
He’s not alone. Rep. Laurel Libby’s been milking her PAC for legal donations to pay for one of the many lawsuits she filed. That’s transactional politics, not transparency. Her legal team is straight out of the LePage administration, so you can imagine which crazy crowd is funding the costs of her grandstanding, legal and otherwise.
The grift is obvious. The ethics violations are strobing like lights on the Vegas strip while the silence from GOP leadership is deafening.
Meanwhile, down on the floor, my colleague are again talking about Sears Island, aka the Republicans’ new stage for pretending to care about the environment, so long as it kneecaps renewable energy and protects oil companies. Their recurring offshore wind meltdowns are less a debate and more a spoken-word poem of fear-mongering, procedural stalling and toddler-caliber tantrums.
And let’s not forget this week’s spiritual journey back to…the plastic bag ban. Rep. Barbie Bagshaw (R-Windham) carried the torch (and a mental list of a half dozen plastic thingies she could name) in order to ban the ban.
Rep. Dick Campbell of Orrington, ever the innovator, proudly declared he counts litter while driving. Yes, he openly admitted to distracted driving…for science?
And then there’s Libby. Again. Back from her nap, she's trying to roll call a tabling motion on the Equal Rights Amendment. Her Oppositional Defiant Disorder is either flaring-up or she’s just plum forgotten that she’s still on mute since she still hasn’t apologized for doxxing a teenage athlete.
Some of my colleagues seem to enjoy the latest ramblings from Rep. James White, the-gunsmith-turned-legislator from Guilford who mumbled and bumbled his way through a failed repeal of Maine’s paramilitary law, which gave everyone plenty of opportunity for catnaps. I’d recap, but even the legislative stenographer zoned out.
What about GOP Leader Billy Bob Faulkingham? The still boat-less fake lobsterman detoured into a Second Amendment tirade as relevant as a Blockbuster membership, Tasmanian tigers and Siamese flat-barbelled catfish.
Meanwhile, Reps. Jim Thorne (R-Carmel) and Rep Dan Sayre (D-Kennebunk) continue their passive-aggressive rap battle via floor speeches. If only someone would give them mics in the Hall of Flags and let them settle their beef by spitting actual bars that flow rather than verses that blow.
And speaking of floor speeches…
Two-minute updates have mutated into pulpit pounding, ego inflation and historical rewrites from the GOP’s most self-righteous. Thorne, again, treated us to another meandering personal discourse masquerading as a tribute. Less “representative” and more “Wikipedia entry about something come to life.” He delivered each line like he was unveiling the Magna Carta. But after the listener peels back the theatrics, what’s left?
A parade float of empty calories, shallow promises and unattainable victory.
What’s the actual Republican legislative agenda? Not jobs. Not housing. Not health care. It’s just about grievance and regression, using the legislative chamber as a content farm for right-wing media and fundraising.
Not here to lead, they’re here to livestream. Not to legislate, but to throw bombs. They’re arsonists sporting flag pins on their dandruffed lapels, torching truth, progress and public health in pursuit of clicks, clout and chaos.
So buckle up. The circus is in town. But don’t be fooled. The clown car is now full of fire-juggling radical extremists. The wild animal cages are unlocked. And there’s no net below the trapeze.
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