GOP Congressional Candidate and Ex-NASCAR Driver Snitches to Cops on Local Legal Gun-Owner and Interracial Couple Smoking Weed in Wallagrass.

Endorsed by Trump & the NRA, Austin Theriault has a history of dropping a dime on non-criminals not committing crimes. Which should alienate every CD-2 voter, including racing fans and chuds.

Austin Theriault is an odd fella from upta Aroostook. A 31-year-old EDIT: 30-year old childless single Catholic, this fast-car-dude has dreams of running for president. (More on that later.) Problem is, the guy only has a high school degree, miniscule government experience and has never worked a real world job. Worst of all, he’s a snitch. And here in Maine’s Second Congressional district (where I’ve been a registered voter for two decades), we’ve got an axiom about snitches…we just don’t like ‘em.

To be clear, thanks to records from the Aroostook Sheriff’s Department, we know, for sure, that Theriault is a wannabe rat. A frequent informer. A garrulous squealer. Plus, he’s seemingly scared of guns. Amazingly, despite his propensity for tattling and being afraid of pew-pews, Theriault got blessed by both Trump and the NRA, who were mad at Jared Golden, the Democratic incumbent (and a real-life war veteran and gun-guy) for Golden’s philosophical pivot on assault rifles after the Lewiston Massacre.

You’d expect the NRA would’ve done their homework and declined to endorse Theriault after discovering their chosen man-boy called the cops on a legal gun owner in rural Maine, standing on his own porch holding a rifle. Nope. In early September, the NRA endorsed the kid. And now they’re stuck with a snitch.

Just the facts, man

Before the gun-snitching story, let’s go back to Election Night 2022, on Nov. 8, around 10:45 p.m. The location: the Wallagrass Scenic View rest stop in rural Aroostook County. Theriault, it’s safe to assume, was in a very good mood. After all, the former NASCAR speedster just prevailed in his first bid for office, winning House District# 1 with 70 percent of the vote. Granted, the seat had been open (with no incumbent, because of term limits) and Theriault’s Democratic opponent, Dana Appleby, was at a big disadvantage, due to her lack of job history as a former professional race-car driver who grew up in the County.

Theriault’s efforts also may have been helped by his Catholic extremism. As you can see in the voter guide published by the nut-job, far-right Christian Civic League of Maine during his only run for local office, Theriault toed the Christian Nationalist line, especially in terms of abortion, vaccine exemptions for cultists and public funding of religious schools. And that sort of message can’t hurt in the County where you can’t swing a thurible without hitting a Catholic church or shrine.

Anyways, for some reason, just before 11 p.m. on that victorious Election Night 2022, Theriault found himself cruising the parking lot of the Wallagrass Scenic View when he spotted a white Honda with Florida plates occupied by a Black man and a white woman, allegedly smoking cannabis. And like a good rat, he picked up his cell phone and dialed 9-1-1 to report a “suspicious person, circumstance.”

Details of this Election Night finking are scant because we only have police notes of Theriault’s call, not the actual 9-1-1 tape. However, we can glean from the Aroostook Sheriff’s report that the Black male and white female both had Florida IDs. The investigating officer — who responded to the Scenic View about 16 minutes after Theriault called police — spoke with the vehicle’s two occupants and, according to the report, “Both parties admitted to smoking weed,” which is legal in Maine. Then the deputy warned the tourists not to drive and closed the case, seven minutes after arriving on the scene.

GOP Congressional candidate Austin Theriault is a snitch.

Full disclosure: Last week, I smoked weed at that very same Wallagrass Scenic View while visiting pals in the County. And the cops didn’t mess with me. Of course, I’m a white man, so nobody cared that I was puffing herb while enjoying the glorious vista.

(The whole County is pretty friggin’ beautiful, btw, and if you haven’t visited you should. I’m definitely returning next year when the potato fields are all a-blossom.)

This waste of police time in Wallagrass was a nothing-burger non-crime, which begs the obvious questions: Why did Theriault call 9-1-1 on a rando-car on the night of his first election victory? What does “suspicious person, circumstance” mean ? What was suspicious? The out-of-state license plates? Or was it suspicious, to Theriault, because the car’s occupants were an interracial couple?

Or did he call the cops because his NASCAR-sensitive nose smelled the sweet fragrant smoke of the devil’s lettuce wafting about the Wallagrass Scenic View?

We’ll probably never find out, but this is for sure: the dude loves to squeal on folks he doesn’t know, which is not a good sign for his constituents.

Snitches faster than a speeding bullet

In the early evening of January 10th, 2023 a light snow was falling on Aroostook County when the newly-elected-but-not-yet-sworn-in Maine state Rep. Austin Theriault once again dialed 9-1-1 from his truck-phone. The former NASCAR driver was cruising past a random house near St. Froid Lake in Winterville and had just spotted a fella, holding a rifle, standing on his front porch.

According to the police report, the Houlton Regional Comms Center received a phone call from state rep-elect Theriault “who wanted to report a man walking on his front porch holding his AR-15. He didn’t have an address, but stated he wanted law enforcement notified in case the man fired shots.”

Lots to unpack from a mere two sentences. First, to be clear, Theriault was in HIS vehicle, driving by someone else’s house around 6:45 p.m. on a snowy January night when he placed the call. Being the early evening, it would’ve been dark. And knowing Theriault’s penchant for speed (more on that later), he was probably driving at a reasonable clip. So the newly elected state rep from Fort Kent was able to somehow identify the type of weapon a fella was toting and call the cops, but not actually note the address of the property?

Luckily, he was able to describe the house. It was a house, in rural Maine, with a porch.

Thanks for the tip, pal. Those details really narrow it down.

Again, what was the reason for Theriault’s call? Here in Maine’s 2nd District, a fella carrying a gun into their house is NOT unusual. And definitely not illegal. According to the police report, Theriault “wanted law enforcement notified in case the man fired shots.” So Theriault felt it necessary to preemptively call in a possible future crime? And this is the dude the NRA endorsed for Maine’s 2nd District?

Wow.

Theriault’s emergency call was transferred to an Aroostook Sheriff’s deputy, who had enough common sense to recognize that Theriault was being a real knucklehead for siccing the cops on a law-abiding private citizen.

In fact, according to the police report, the officer checked the cop files and noticed that Theriault “has called in multiple suspicious complaints to police. Austin disclosed no information that lead me to believe any crime had been committed. Austin could not give an address but described the residence.”

I find the reference to Theriault calling in “multiple suspicious complaints to police” alluring. Makes the former NASCAR driver sound like some sort of meddlesome old biddy with too much time on her hands. (Got a tip on other law-making snitches? DM me.) The case was closed, btw, about five and a half minutes after Theriault called it in. At least his squealing didn’t waste too many police resources.

State Representative Scofflaw Theriault

On the morning of November 30, 2023, Theriault was pulled over for speeding on Route 161 in Woodland. At this point, he’d been serving in Augusta for almost a whole year and was already a candidate for CD2. According to the cops, the state rep was driving, at high speed, his dark blue 2022 Chevy Silverado 1500, sporting TEMPORARY North Carolina plates when a deputy from the Aroostook Sheriff’s office nabbed him.

Again, details are minimal because no tickets were issued, so we don’t know how fast Theriault was going or the speed limit on the stretch of roadway where he got stopped. However, we do know, thanks to the cop report, his vehicle had the temp plates, which meant he must have bought the new wheels down south. Which seems to contradict the standard operating procedure for Mainers buying cars out-of-state. According to the Bureau of Motor Vehicles, as a Maine resident, Theriault should’ve brought a Maine-issued temp plate with him when he acquired his new set of wheels, which would allow him to legally transit back to Maine until he could’ve done the real registration process at the BMV.

Also, why would the state rep from Fort Kent drive over 1,200 miles to another state to purchase a truck? He would’ve had to pay North Carolina’s 3 percent sales tax, plus Maine’s 5.5 percent. Not to mention the time and gas to get the truck home. Not a savvy move, fiscally, or politically. If Theriault were smarter, he would’ve bought the truck at Valley Motors in his hometown of Fort Kent, or one of the many other Chevy dealers across the Second District.

More importantly, how does such a supposed law-and-order guy, always willing to drop a “dime on crime,” ignore Maine BMV’s “Temporary Registration Permit (Transit Plate)” guidelines? Also, according to the North Carolina “Division of Motor Vehicles,” in order to get a North Carolina temporary plate, you must have North Carolina ID. So why does someone serving as Maine state rep and running for Maine CD2 have a North Carolina ID?

Also, why didn’t the cop who pulled him over for speeding give him a ticket for speed or the plates?

And why does the phone number Theriault uses on Maine campaign finance forms have the area code for Charlotte, North Carolina?

Congressman Snitch Carpetbagger (R-Maine)

This dude wants to be MY congress-boy? Gotta say, just based upon the above-mentioned police reports, he’s alienated every single CD2 voter I know here in Oxford County. Many would be angry at Theriault for calling the cops on a law-abiding person in legal possession of a weapon on their own porch. Others would be offended that he called the police on innocent pot-smokers enjoying the unspoiled Aroostook night sky. And everyone in my ‘hood would be pissed he didn’t get a speeding ticket and didn’t have to wait in line at the BMV to get temp plates like the rest of us mere mortals.

If all the snitchery and preferential treatment weren’t enough, there are tons of other reasons Theriault isn’t currently qualified to serve in public office in Maine. (Perhaps he could run in North Carolina, where he lived most of his adult life, from 2012 until 2021.) I’ve read his poorly-written campaign lit and listened (very painful) to his boring interviews. The disconnect is obvious. He’s never held a real job. Never had to support a family or a kid. Never had to worry about a mill closing or the PFAS in the soil of family farms and fields. He’s not concerned about school shootings or Social Security cuts. Or health care. Or the cost of housing. And thanks to his patriarchal programming, he’s definitely no friend to women and their reproductive choice.

Instead, he’s praying for Israel and defending the orange mushroom phallused autocrat who endorsed him.

As if we need any more evidence that Theriault is NOT a serious person, consider how he’s constantly displaying his ability to drive cars real fast under ultra-controlled conditions as a way to convince voters he’s their man. The campaign often uses this photo of him wearing his race-car driving suit.

I mean, c’mon. A quick google search shows that the photo is from 2015 or before. Which means, in the campaign propaganda produced by his team announcing the Trump endorsement, Theriault uses an image of a 22-year-old who, at the time, hadn’t even bothered to register to vote.

Despite being almost 31-years-old, Theriault never registered to vote until 2020. According to North Carolina voter records, he only cast a ballot in 2020 and never enrolled in a political party. The fast-driving stool pigeon then moved back home and registered to vote in Maine sometime in 2021. Which means this November’s election will only be the second time Theriault will have voted in his state-of-birth, voting for himself both times.

If he remembers to show up to vote Election Day, that is.

Gotta say, for a wanna-be big-time politician, the dude is pretty friggin’ lazy. Down in Augusta, they call him “No-Show Theriault” because he missed a whopping 45 votes during his first-and-only term in the Legislature. Heck, he only sponsored three pieces of legislation, with just one (increasing the use of mill woodwaste as biomass to create electricity) passing. Doesn’t sound much like a go-getting striver to me. And it’s not like he learned the ins-and-outs of legislating during his short time in Augusta.

If past behavior indicates future performance, it appears that Theriault enjoys the fun parts of campaigning and meeting fans, but isn’t particularly enamored with the boring day-to-day Legislative process. If he thinks Augusta moves at a snail’s pace, just wait until he gets to Washington.

Also importantly, midway through his first term, according to state election records, Theriault withdrew his bid for re-election to the Legislature. Running for Congress meant he didn’t have time for the small town politicking. And he took the money raised from donors to his legislative campaign and re-distributed it to fellow Maine Christian-Nationalist lawmakers and local GOP committees.

Amazingly, Theriault quickly raised a million bucks for the GOP primary after getting cash and a blessing from End Times cult member (and Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives) Mike Johnson. The Trump endorsement for Theriault in the GOP primary sealed the deal and he easily beat his lone GOP primary challenger. As of today he’s raised $1.75 million for his campaign.

Which means if Theriault beats Golden, he’s sure to become Speaker Johnson’s bitch.

The Trump endorsement, btw, drove Maine GOP chuds crazy because they wanted state Rep. Mike Soboleski (a real Trumper) instead of the 30-year-old failed race-car driver who they view as a woke-adjacent stooge. For instance, hardliners criticized Theriault for supporting LD942 which would “Establish a Plan for Adding a 3rd Option for Gender on State Forms” and for his support of “An Act to Update the Maine Human Rights Act with Respect to Gender Identity.” Those votes, to chuds, makes him practically a friggin’ pinko-commie queer.

Brain Injured Race-Car Driver to Run for President

I think I figured out why Theriault believes he can be the next congressman for Maine’s CD2. Ever since he was a young lad, Theriault’s mom and dad doted on their little fella, instilling the self-confidence for him to dare to dream big. You can see, via his social media, that his parents have been very supportive in his race to the top. That amazing parental devotion, coupled with a traumatic head injury sustained when crashing into a wall at high speed in 2015, seems to have been enough to create the self-delusion that Theriault is qualified to represent 2nd District Mainers in Washington D.C.

Sorry to point out the elephant in the race-car, but thanks to NASCAR, the boy’s noggin took a serious slogging. Everyone loves to talk about Theriault race-car driver history, as if the ability to put the pedal to the metal in ultra-controlled circumstances is a valid of measure of a person’s mettle. (Not true.) Also, Theriault, to be blunt, is a failed race-car driver. In fact, he was only famous in the racing world for being the dude who crashed his race-truck into an unprotected concrete wall at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway in October 2015.

The video (below) is pretty gnarly. And, as the Reddit racing community has pointed out, the fiery crash was technically scary, with much surprise that Theriault wasn’t killed instantly. First off, the section of concrete he crashed into near Turn #4 was unprotected because NASCAR engineers never thought a vehicle could hit that section of track wall. Theriault, however, proved them wrong.

Theriault’s crash, though, had some benefits for humanity. After his accident, racetracks across the U.S. installed additional “Steel And Foam Energy Reduction Barriers,” (aka SAFER Barriers) on every bit of unprotected wall.

Secondly, the crash was super-bad because not only did Theriault hit an unprotected wall, his super-duper elaborate seat belt failed. Known as a “Head and Neck Support” device, or HANS, Theriault’s collar brace, held in place with shoulder belts and attached to his helmet, snapped during the crash. The HANS is supposed to prevent the driver’s head from whiplashing. Instead, his HANS let go, resulting in his cranium hitting the steering column with such impact that it destroyed his helmet.

Some would argue that despite the snapping, the HANS did its job because without the device, Theriault would be dead, instead of just knocked out, slumped over the steering wheel.

Unfortunately, the crash broke the then-21-year-old Theriault’s back, which must have sucked. Never mentioned, though, is the brain-jiggling concussive nature of the crash because NASCAR and other pro sports don’t like to talk about the issue of brains hitting skull.

However, it’s safe to assume he was seriously concussed in the crash, considering the intensity of the wall collision and the HANS failure. Also, according to a Youtube comment by the historian @celtics1761, who claimed Theriault was a family friend, the young driver admitted to being unconscious after the crash. “He said he was ok,” the alleged pal claimed, “but he said he got knocked out by the impact.”

Also, Theriault was a featured speaker during the “Crash Preparation: Seats & Belts / Concussions & Head Trauma” panel at the 2017 “Performance Racing Industry” tradeshow at the Indianapolis Convention Center. Which also seems like additional confirmation of his concussion. I tried to watch an archived livestream of his speech, but the audio was lousy and the camera shaky (like most of Theriault’s pre-GOP nominee social media), so I couldn’t hear what he had to say.

Too bad Theriault chose politics over a more meaningful path of public influence. After all, he could’ve brought tons of attention to the issue of traumatic brain injury and the impact TBIs can have on a young man’s brain. Remember, Theriault was just twenty-one when his brain got concussed in the Vegas wreck. That meant he still had about five more years before his cerebrum was done developing. He crashed again four years later, in 2019, at the Talladega Superspeedway, suffering what was reported as “upper body” injuries.”

Perhaps he has a good reason to keep quiet about his thumped brain. Maybe he’s waiting for an Election Night victory to make a big reveal. Perhaps he’d deliver a stirring speech explaining how brain injuries don’t have to stop folks from achieving their goals. Then, hopefully, he’d explain how NASCAR’s high-end doctoring helped him recover from such dramatic injuries. Then, defying his GOP overlords, Theriault would call for a nationalized health system that provides a race-car driver-level of health care for all Americans.

Or, conversely, he might spend Election Night as he did in 2022, cruising rest area parking lots, looking for out-of-state pot smokers to bust.

Snitch and Sucker

I’m not a doctor, of course, but I first detected something was wrong with the candidate’s brain last fall after discovering Theriault fell prey, big time, to House GOP leader Billy Bob Faulkingham’s tall tale about a rogue wave flipping his lobster boat. (Read all about Faulkingham’s half-million dollar social media stunt gone wrong here and here. Or listen here.)

After hearing Faulkingham’s fishy story, Theriault set up a fundraiser to pay for the House Leader (and his sternman’s) medical expenses on the Give-Send-Go platform hoping to raise $25,000.

(G-S-G is a sort of “Go-Fund-Me” for far-right Christians and chuds like Hammer-the-Blood Chud and the now-dead Shawn McBreairity.)

After a couple months, the Theriault fundraiser had taken about $3,547 from sympathetic well-wishers and other lawmakers, most giving $50 or $100 a whack. Thing is, both Faulkingham and his sternman were fully covered, as legislative employees (?!?!?!), with excellent insurance at the time of the boat capsizing and sinking. Which, thanks to Maine taxpayers, means they didn’t need help with medical expenses.

When I asked Theriault and his team, via emails and phone messages, about the Faulkingham fundraiser, the G-S-G page disappeared without a trace. And, for the record, Theriault never returned my calls

The vanished fundraiser made me curious about this fast-driving young ‘un from Fort Kent. So I started poking around. Turns out, since “retiring” from racing, he’s held two jobs. According to his financial disclosures filed with the state of Maine, he works as “technology manager” for his family’s logging company.

And, apparently, he also works as a NASCAR coach. Which, I’ve learned, doesn’t mean sitting in the back seat and telling his clients to press harder on the accelerator. In Theriault’s case, he serves as more of a PR consultant, helping develop a driver’s image and story, which, apparently, is a big part of race-car driving. In Theriault’s case, his “character” was Speedy Tater-Tot (I’m kidding) and NASCAR fans loved the lil’ guy from northern Maine who chugs maple syrup, devours lobsters and speaks with a funny accent.

Also, I found his pandemic-era race-car video gaming channel where for a short time he live-streamed his i-race-car races. He confessed to NOT being the best i-racer, but he was willing to give it a try, all to raise money for non-profits in Maine and New Hampshire. His fans created special i-race-cars for Theriault to drive digitally. Most notably, below, a vehicle promoting Catholic Charities of Maine. Which must drive Theriault’s fellow chuds crazy. Current xenophobic talking points blame Catholic Charities for bringing in refugees to the U.S. as part of the New World Order’s Great Replacement of White Supremacists. (I’m not kidding.)

To put this in perspective, around the same time that Theriault was i-racing and raffling off die-cast toy models of his race-cars on his Facebook channel, Jared Golden was making 12-hour drives to D.C. to cast votes on COVID relief. And when he wasn’t in Washington, Golden was sitting at his kitchen table in Maine, on the phone and computer. Most days, from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m., Golden worked with staff and constituents, trying to put out the fires and shortfalls caused by the Trump admin’s lack of preparedness for pandemics and other disasters.

Meanwhile, Theriault was practicing his i-racing skills. And not very successfully, mind you. Lots of the i-race livestreams were plagued by buffering issues and router failures. Then, at some point in 2021, he abandoned the i-race platform, pivoting to politics and presidential plans.

To save YOU the pain and suffering, I listened to several NASCAR-fan podcasts that Theriault graciously appeared on in the months before launching his congressional quest. I had already watched his mainstream media appearances during which he always seemed stilted and tense. Perhaps, I thought, on NASCAR pods, among his own kind, he’d be a little looser and relaxed. Maybe even crack a joke or two.

Nope.

The pod-conversations were cliche-ridden and shallow. Unless you happen to really dig hearing a young has-been rehash old victories with wannabes and fan-boys, the interviews were super-boring.

Really nothing of note, except when Theriault revealed his real ambition to a pair of star-struck pod-hosts. After he’s old enough, he told them, he intends to run for the White House and become the first race-car driving President of the United States.

Unfortunately, for Theriault’s ego, I don’t think he’ll ever end up in the Oval Office. Unless both he and Trump win, that is. Then Theriault will visit the White House to kiss the orange mushroom ring.

Theriault’s bid for Congress, as long-time Crash Report readers have probably figured out, is part of the Seven Mountains Mandate. As I explained in Chapter One of Wet, Hot Christian-Nationalist Summer, the End Times will arrive when far-right Christians conquer the “Seven Mountains” of modern society: family, religion, education, media, arts & entertainment, business and, most powerfully, the government. And “Tater-Tot” Theriault is just trying to do his part and help trigger the Apocalypse.

Triple yikes.

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